Stream Fire and Ice Movie Online
Mercredi, avril 14th, 2010 |
Stream Fire and Ice Movie Online.
Movie Title: Fire and Ice Fire and Ice is available for streaming or downloading. |
There was a certain time in the 1980s when barbarian fantasy movies were the movie trend du jour, which is presumably how Ralph Bakshi and artist Frank Frazetta got the go-ahead for “Fire and Ice.” It’s basically a gauzy wisp of a plot that is filled with hilariously cheezy dialogue, semi-nude damsels and other fun things dredged from the imagination of a 13-year-old swords-and-sorcery geek.
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After the Ice Age, evil queen Julianna and her son Nekron (?!?!?!) decided to conquer the world with his giant telekinetically-controlled iceberg. The only place they haven’t squished or conquered is Firekeep, so they kidnap King Jarol’s almost-naked daughter Teegra — but she escapes, and ends up encountering Larn, a strapping young barbarian whose village was wrecked by Nekron. They fight, she runs away, and two minutes later they’re prepped for the horizontal mambo.
But after a Random Monster Attack knocks Larn out, our inept hero wakes to find that Teegra has been taken by Juliana’s subhuman minions. So he joins forces with a mysterious hooded man named Dark Wolf, who apparently is POed at Julianna for reasons never explored in-story, and wants to kill Nekron (again, for reasons never explored in-story). Together they plan to take back Teegra and save the world, blah blah blah.
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“Fire And Ice” is is basically your run-of-the-mill barbarian fantasy story, so it doesn’t have much of a plot beyond Save The Shapely Damsel And Defeat The Threat Against The World. Blatant sexism (”Waa, nobody takes me seriously, so I’ll roll around in a string bikini!”), hinted racism, a designated Evil Gay Villain, and a seemingly endless list of plot holes (Teegra is unable to escape an OVERHAND KNOT?) and inconsistencies (why can subhumans scale a cliff but not a TREE?).
And the whole thing is CHEESY. The dialogue is cheesy (”You may have caught me, but you’ll never give me to Nekron!”), the monsters are cheesy (pirouetting kraken attack!), and the cheesiness of the climax could make enough grilled sandwiches to feed the entire world for a year. And it’s pretty funny at times in its earnestness, with dialogue filled with unintentionally hilarious moments (”Give me your love,” Teegra’s dad says to his almost-naked daughter) and action scenes (two guys in speedos whacking each other with swords! Hello Freudian symbolism!).
And the whole thing is done with mind-blowing seriousness. Well, except for a few scenes of sexual symbolism that just have to be tongue-in-cheek — like Nekron writhing and screaming as his magically upthrusting pillars of ice explode in sprays of liquid. That can’t possibly be serious.
The reigning character here is Dark Wolf, a butt-kicking and level-headed guy who wears a cat-eared executioner’s mask and STILL looks tough. He also sneezes more brain cells than our hero ever did — despite being The Designated Hero, Larn never actually succeeds in anything he does. And Teegra is basically there to scamper around the woods in a child’s string bikini and writhe around suggestively to get male attention, like a pornographic Snow White.
“Fire and Ice” runs neither hot nor cold — it’s just a vast oozing mass of cheese, with lots of naked women and vaguely offensive undertones. But it’s tailor-made for a nice drinking game.
This was not a new purchase for me. I bought this movie in the early 80’s and lost it. But I still wanted it for my collection. The DVD is obviously much better than old VHS format. The quality is not up to current releases and even the animation was not as I remembered. However, to me it remains a classic “must-have” movie.
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