Stream Horrors Of Spider Island Movie Online
Vendredi, août 6th, 2010 |
Stream Horrors Of Spider Island Movie Online.
Movie Title: Horrors Of Spider Island Horrors Of Spider Island is available for streaming or downloading. |
I first saw this movie on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and they
gave it their usual hilarious treatment, but even when viewed on its
own it’s still pretty hilarious. Alexander D’Arcy (Blood of
Dracula’s Castle) stars as the hapless hero, Gary, the manager of a
girls’ dance troupe. Barbara Valentin, in her screen debut, stars as
Babs, the pouty-faced sexpot on the make for him. Both D’Arcy
and Valentin had long careers in European films and TV, but the
rest of the cast in Spider Island seem to have disappeared along
with this movie.
And no wonder. The acting is bad, the dubbed-in dialog is dumb,
the plot is ludicrous, the editing is poor, the special effects are
awful, the direction is amateurish, and it’s not even in color. So
it’s definitely one of those so-bad-it’s-funny movies. For instance,
when the planes takes off for the tour it’s a twin-engine plane, but
when shown in flight, it’s a four-engine plane. And when Gary
finds a sledgehammer on the island he says, “A hammer…with a
long handle!” And surmises that someone has been mining
uranium on the island! Wouldn’t anybody? (And how does one
mine for uranium with a hammer, anyway?) And check out the
face on that spider! Incredible! And when Gary is bitten by the
crab-like spider he transforms immediately into a monster that
looks more like a werewolf than a spider. (Why didn’t the
professor turn into a monster when the spider got him?) After
Linda is killed by monster Gary he’s seen running into the woods
and in the next scene one of the girls mentions that they’ve now
been on the island for 28 days. 28 days on a small island with a
murderous monster running around loose, and nothing at all has
happened in that time? And so on…
Star D’Arcy (a veteran of Hollywood earlier in his career) said in
an interview that he actually rewrote the script and directed the
movie. If true, then we have him to blame for this mess. He said
director Fritz Böttger was incompetent and that the actresses were
“second class.” He may be right about the direction. The movie
plays as if there were two, or even more, people directing it, each
working against the other. But the actresses were not second class,
at least not in their natural endowments. The bevy of big-breasted
babes are the best thing about this movie.
This DVD edition features a short subject starring Joi Lansing
(The Atomic Submarine) in a musical video called “Web of Love”
which is more interesting for her abundant cleavage than for her
singing voice. Mary Blair (who is she?) does a burlesque-style
striptease in a second short subject called “Spider Girl,” interesting
only for its seeming antiquity. And there’s a more modern
striptease number, also with a spider web theme. The montage of
lurid schlock movie posters with voice-over radio spot ads is very
amusing, as well. And there are some prevues of other Something
Weird movies available. The snap case has two pages of
interesting liner notes and chapter index. The image quality and
sound are good, so all in all, this is a pretty good DVD value, if
you’re a fan, like me, of really bad sci-fi/horror movies.
“HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND”
Ever walk into a spider web in the dark? Well, this movie’s nothing like that.
New from Image Entertainment, is this black and white exploitation flick from 1960. The late(?) great Fritz Bottger directs — well, kind of — eight sexy showgirls and their macho manager who survive a plane crash on a remote tropical island.
The practical gals are survivors! Not only that, they represent a crss section of “female pulchritude” (as Hef used to say back in the 60’s). So, lucky for us, they quickly adjust to the stifling heat and strip to their underwear. Yippeeee! (Hey, it’s crucial to the, ahem, story). Almost immediately they discover a dead scientist caught in a giant web. Uh oh.
Soon, their testosterone crazed manager is bitten by a giant spider and, get this, grows claws, fangs, and lots of facial hair. Maybe he’s on steroids as well ’cause he seems to be in a “roid” rage and becomes a pest in the worst way. I don’t want to spoil the plot — oops, did I say plot? — so I won’t give away any more lest I spoil it for first time viewers.
The dubbing is atrocious but adds a weird, je ne sais quoi, patina to the ever increasing distortion of reality. An authentic classic of its kind. Cinema merde? Must be seen to be believed. Five blazing stars! Like a nightmare you can’t run from - but laugh at later.
Warning: Don’t watch this in any kind of altered state — you may never return to the reality we all attempt to share. (Not Rated, Full Frame (wow!), Mono (not the disease), No Region Code (you can watch it anywhere in the world!), 76 fleshy minutes.)
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